Excuse Me, There's Been Some Kind of Mistake
I haven't done a lot of writing lately. Sure, I've thought about writing a lot. But when it comes to actually putting the pen to paper (or fingers to keys), I've been sorely lacking in the motivation department. It bothers me. Sometimes more than I admit. Which is silly really, because no one has control over how much I write except me.
Regardless, at the end of the day, no new words. It makes me feel not very accomplished. That age old question: What am I doing with my life? It's easy to look at that 0 daily word count and think 'I've accomplished nothing.' This also can be a worryingly easy thing to think about in this age of social media. We are literally barraged with constant updates on what everyone else has achieved. Oh, look at Jim Bob, he bought a new car and won $10,000! And Jessie Lee? She ran a marathon, baked 4 pies, and has washboard abs. And look at those awesome beach photos she took on her 12th vacation this month? Let the jealousy and inferiority complex commence.
I try to remind myself that I'm only seeing the highlights of everyone's s lives. I mean, no one is posting about their failures. Well ... usually. I seem to take perverse pleasure in letting people know how many times I've tripped each day. Or fallen up the stairs at the light rail station. Again.
Before you think this is just a post about my walking skills, or lack thereof, let me get to the point. I'm working very hard to recognize what I have accomplished in my day to day life, instead of focusing on what I have not. They always say life is what happens when you're busy making plans, right? So I'm trying to focus more on life, and less on the plan. We owe it to ourselves to dream big, but to also recognize when we've succeeded in the small things.
So that's what I'm doing lately. Focusing on the successes. Currently that involves forcing my lazy butt off the couch and to the gym. Because, guys, I did something stupid. Like really, really stupid. I somehow, in a fit of insanity, agreed to do Tough Mudder. Really, this has to be some kind of mistake. A clerical error. I couldn't have agreed to do that?! Oh, you don't know what that is? It's only 10-12 miles of obstacle hell. And it looks horrible. And awful. And ... I'm not scared, you are!
But honestly? I'm kind of excited. Young me would have never dreamed of trying something like this. Never dreamed of thinking she could do something like this. And it's so exciting to feel myself starting to get stronger, to reach for something that scares me and thrills me all at once. I'm terrified of starting the race, but I can't wait to prove to myself that I can cross that finish line.
I hope the words come soon. I have so many stories to tell, and I want to get over whatever block is keeping them from getting on the paper. But until then, life is amazing. With its ups and downs, its little successes. I'm trying to focus on that. To enjoy what I'm doing now, and not beat myself up for what's not happening. Hopefully I succeed in this goal too. And maybe reading this helps someone out there refocus on their lives. Or at the very least, you enjoyed the gifs and had a little laugh.